


Please, be my once in a lifetime

by Beeexx



Series: To Love [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Established Poe Dameron/Finn, Established Relationship, Finn Is A Badass, Love, M/M, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, finn is the strongest one in the whole galaxy, learning to live with yourself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-22 17:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beeexx/pseuds/Beeexx
Summary: While on a mission on Lah’mu, a year after Finn and Poe have gotten together both of their lives change forever. The issue is just that Poe isn't convinced it's for the better. A story about learning how to love not just the people around you but yourself too.Just because he's with the one person he loves most in the galaxy doesn't mean that all the other problems go away. To be honest, he probably has more problems now than ever before. Question is, is he going to be brave enough to overcome them and love harder than before in a war that claims people left and right.Also featuring Rey and Rose being badass and awesome together, Leia who continues to have to deal with her adoptive son Poe Dameron and the looming threat of the First Order.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Rose Tico
Series: To Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1468766
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Please, be my once in a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh hello lads! I am here with part 3 of the To Love series. I wrote this one at the end of summer 2019 so it's been laying around for a while, but now in the midst of a bunch of assignments I have, I am doing this instead of them. You know how it is.
> 
> I would recommend you read part 1-2 before this just to get some backstory of the characters.
> 
> This is beta'd by my cousin, who stepped in and helped out a lot, thank you so much for it all! Du är bäst <3

The village is small, nothing out of the ordinary or otherwise special about it. Yet the First Order had for some reason decided to attack it. This is the third attack in 2 weeks, on random planets and places. They do quick work, in and out and gone without a trace. The attacks do seem more aligned towards poorer areas, where people won’t have the means to defend themselves, but apart from that it’s the only solid piece of information they’ve got so far. Leia’s spies have yet to give them any solid information about what the First Order is actually up to. It feels a little like they are sitting ducks, waiting for reports to come in about yet another destruction from another village they’re too late to help. The cluelessness doesn’t sit well with Poe and that’s the only reason he has decided to go on this mission in person. It’s the deal he has with Leia these days. He gets to go on some missions, tops three a month and in exchange he stays behind and shadows her, tries to learn some of the things of what it means to be the Resistance leader. It works well. Leia seems happy with him and he does actually try to listen and observe, qualities he’s not normally very good at. The Resistance has grown over the year, tripled in size. It’s truly something. They’ve all worked so very hard for it, all of them. Rose has her own mechanic team now as well as the promotion to Commander she got earlier this year. It keeps her busy and she’s a natural at it. Poe has a little trouble letting go of control when it comes to anyone touching his ships. He would only trust Rose to touch them, but he’s been present a few times, observing while her team works and he’s got to say, she’s a hardass and works them well, even he has got to admit that the ships do have an impeccable track record. Finn keeps busy as well, he’s been essential in the way the Resistance now operates.

Leia’s ideas about needing a new tactic, a new kind of warfare to win over the First Order is thanks to Finn. They were up many late nights, planning and thinking of how to improve it all. Finn truly has a mind for strategies. He usually has a team of pathfinders he leads, a job he’s more than suited for. It has Poe worried sick every time he’s away for over a day but he’s working on it. He knows he can’t ask Finn to stay behind, it wouldn’t be right. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t sleep or eat and buries himself in work the days and sometimes weeks Finn is gone. It’s not healthy but no one has dared to say anything yet because the one quality Poe posses still, is that he’s good at his fucking job. But the change in strategies means that their battles are more focused. Quick work, destroying bases, small teams, in and out. A lot of hiding, no certain set base and a lot of spies. It’s working, it’s slow but it’s working. Poe gave over his command of the pilots to Jess. She’s now a Lieutenant and she’s very good indeed. Poe guesses she learned from the best. He made that joke to Jess once and he had expected her to hit him on the head. She hadn’t. Instead she had said “Yes but this will be the only time you hear me admit to it” and they’d never spoken about it again.

Rey is in charge of recruiting missions, that and continuing her training. Poe’s seen such a change in her in the last year and it’s truly impressive. She’s pretty much a full Jedi now. She’s only missing the cloak. Maybe that would be something for him and Finn to gift her at some point.

Finn is with him on Lah’mu, the outer rim colony that is sparsely inhabited but contains fertile soil for farmers who know how to grow on it. Poe had known Leia wouldn’t be able to say no to this either. Well she probably could have but she knows as well as Poe does that he and Finn are a very efficient team, they work very well together and they have a track record of successful missions. Apart from that one time he almost died. But whatever, that’s in the past. Finn’s standing further down, closer to the ruins of the houses, looking... well hot as fuck is the word Poe would use to describe him. He’s got some official Resistance uniforms finally, and the brown leather jacket he’s wearing, well let’s just say they have fucked a few times with Finn wearing just that. And Finn knows Poe thinks he’s the hottest thing in the galaxy, especially dressed in his jacket. So he’s not beyond flaunting around in it. Like he clearly is doing now while Poe is trying very hard to not get distracted. He’s a professional after all. He shakes his head and walks up to the woman standing nearest.

“How many dead ma'am?” He asks professionally but kindly. She looks thoughtful for a moment. 

“Not too many, we got most of them out of the houses earlier this morning, but 10, 15 at most.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss. I know nothing will ever bring them back but if there is anything the Resistance can do, don’t hesitate to tell me.” She smiles sadly and nods.

“Thank you Commander…?”

“Dameron.”

“Dameron.”

“Can you think of any reason why The First Order would attack you?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “It was as if they were looking for something. Only some died, but it didn’t seem like their aim was to slaughter us. They didn’t seem to find what they were looking for either. And then they blew up our houses and left.”

Poe frowns. This fits the pattern of previous reports on The First Order’s business, but it’s all still very strange. Poe files the information down in his head to fill in the report later. He wonders what the First Order is looking for. The reports from all the other attacks state something similar to what Unggoy had just said, and this whole thing doesn’t sit well with Poe. He’s not good with not knowing these things, the only thing he does know for certain is that The First Order are clearly looking for something or someone but that doesn’t make much of this any clearer. 

“Thank you ma’am.” He shakes her hand and follows Finn. He’s looking thoughtfully towards the ruins. He has his official mission face on Poe sees as he gets closer.

“Any idea what they are looking for?” He asks. Finn shakes his head.

“No, it doesn’t make sense.” Finn’s looking thoughtfully at one of the fallen houses, there’s still room enough for someone to crawl through the hole in front of them Poe’s mind supplies for some reason.

“Ah screw it.” Finn says and takes off his jacket. Poe politely holds his hand out for Finn to give it to him. His eyes catch the ring that hangs securely around Finn’s neck. He always wears it and each time Poe sees it a thrill goes down his spine. It belongs there, on Finn’s neck. Finn takes a step towards the house and Poe’s snapped out of his thoughts.

“What are you doing?”

“I just… I don’t know, I just need to check it out.”

“Okay.” Poe understands, and he trusts Finn’s judgement, at times still more than his own, which probably isn’t a good quality to have for someone who might be taking over the Resistance some day. Finn smiles a private smile just meant for Poe and crawls into the ruin. He disappears out of view for a while before Poe hears anything again.

“Holy shit.” He hears Finn suddenly.

“What?” 

“Come look.” Finn says eagerly but there is a worried undertone to his voice. Poe takes a look at the dark and looming hole, he really isn’t the biggest fan of crawling into dark spaces. They tend to make him feel unsafe with their walls of looming danger. It does weird things to his head, but fine, for Finn he’d do anything. He starts crawling after, the air is dusty and dirty and it’s a little hard to breathe. But it’s not dark, not fully and he can see quite well in front of him. It makes the whole thing a little less unsettling at least. Finn’s crouched down in front of him and Poe makes his way towards where he is. When he gets closer to where Finn has stopped he sees what Finn meant and he lets out a:

“Shit.” as well.

“Yeah.” Finn coughs. The air really isn’t nice in here. In front of them both a little girl is sitting, she’s pressing herself into the wall, her eyes wild and frantic. She’s dirty and has a nasty cut on her arm.

“Hey.” Finn says kindly, his voice calm.

“I’m not going to hurt you I promise.” He slowly reaches out towards the girl and she closes her eyes and presses closer to the wall.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. My name is Finn, I’m with the Resistance. Have you heard of us?”

The girl looks at Finn for a long time. Poe barely dares to breathe.

“Bad guys.” She looks around the room. Finn’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, The First Order, they’re the bad guys.” She nods her head violently.

“What’s your name?” Finn asks kindly. There’s no reply and Poe feels extremely awkward, he doesn’t know what to say or what to do here. His official status is long forgotten in this moment and he happily lets Finn take charge. 

“Okay, as I said, I’m Finn.” He points to himself as he says it. “And this is Poe, Poe Dameron.” The girl looks at Poe then and Poe gulps. She has dark eyes just like him, but they seem endlessly big at the moment, and like someone who’s too young to have seen the things she’s seen. She looks back at Finn. Poe breathes a little easier again.

“Finn.” She says. Finn smiles.

“Yes, that’s me.”

The girl nods and sits still. Poe glances at Finn, he thinks they should probably get out of here, this house might fall any moment now.

“Would you like to come with us. I promise we won’t do anything to hurt you, but we should get out of here, don’t you think?” The girl is quiet for a while, she looks at Finn’s outstretched hand and back up to his face. She does it a few times before she seems to make up her mind and very slowly crawls towards Finn. Finn lifts her up and places her by his hip. He nods to Poe and Poe finally starts making his way out of the wreckage. Once up in the fresh air he can breathe a little easier again, the dust and dirt and claustrophobicness of it all not the only thing contributing to his obvious unsettlement of it all. He picks up Finn’s jacket from the ground as he waits and dusts it off. He makes sure to get most of the dust off his own clothes and hands as he waits for Finn. It takes Finn a little longer to get out, the added weight making it difficult. Once out in the sunlight the girl hides her face in the crook of Finn’s neck. She must have been inside there for a long time, her eyes not used to the sunlight. She’s dirty as well, her clothes a little ripped and ragged looking. She’s got dark skin just like Poe as well as black curly hair. Poe really hopes she has family here who are still alive. 

“It’s okay.” Finn says and strokes her hair. She peeks out but hides quickly again. Poe motions for Finn to follow him and he does. He walks up to the woman from earlier and her eyes widen when she sees the girl. She then says something in a language Poe doesn’t understand. She walks up to Finn and the girl looks up. She looks scared Poe thinks, Finn seems to notice it as well and he hugs her a little closer to him.

“Does she have any family here?” Poe asks. The woman’s attention is brought back to him but to Poe’s dismay she shakes her head.

“No, they are all dead.” She says sadly. Poe feels his heart break a little. Fuck. Finn has a conflicted look in his eyes. 

“Is there anyone here who can take care of her?” The woman looks thoughtful.

“Maybe.”

“Finn.” The girl says a little desperately and hides her face again. Finn looks surprisingly down at her but he gets a decisive look in his eyes that Poe doesn’t like. 

“Finn, can I talk to you for a second.” He motions for Finn to follow him. When they are further away Poe stops.

“Finn, I know what you’re thinking and-”

“We can’t leave her Poe, she has no family. And you saw how she reacted to the woman. She was scared.”

Poe runs a hand through his hair frustratingly. He knows Finn has a point but still.

“Do you really think this is a good idea?”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

Poe looks at the girl, she’s still hiding. She’s young, very small as well, maybe 5? Poe doesn’t really have a clue when it comes to kids but looking at her now there’s an uncomfortable churning to his stomach that tells him that leaving her would not be right.

“Fine.” Finn smiles and Poe ignores him and walks away. He’s petty sometimes, Finn chuckles but follows behind him. 

“We’re taking her with us.” Poe says to the woman. She looks between the three of them, eventually her eyes land on the girl. She says something again in the language Poe doesn’t understand and the girl nods. She seems satisfied enough and looks back at Poe.

“Good luck.”

“You too.” Poe says. They shake hands again and then Poe starts walking, Finn easily falls into step with him.

“It was the right choice Poe.” Poe nods, he knows. The girl is looking around and her eyes land on the ship. Poe doesn’t think she looks visibly upset by the sight of it but he honestly can’t really tell. As they get closer to it Poe goes to kick a stone out of the way, it moves before his foot connects with it. Finn stops beside him.

“What the fuck.” Poe says. 

“Oh shit.” Finn says and he’s looking at the girl, her hand is stretched out just like Rey’s sometimes is.

“Force.” She says. Finn’s eyes widen and Poe almost stumbles. He takes a step back from them both.

“What did she just say?” He asks. Finn looks down at the girl again, her hand is back around Finn’s neck.

“Oh my god.” Poe says. Fuck, Poe has a sinking feeling in his stomach. This is not what he thinks it is. It can’t be, that would mean -

“We should get back to base.” Finn interrupts his thoughts and Poe nods on autopilot, happy to not think for a second. They get to the ship and Poe doesn’t even feel elevated by the thought of flying. He’s a very busy man these days and flying has unfortunately not been his top priority for a long time. He misses it. Finn straps himself in beside Poe with the girl still attached to him. Poe gets the ship ready for take off and puts in his codes in the communicator. They’re well on their way before Leia replies.

“Status report Commander?”

“Almost ready for landing, but-” He cuts himself off, unsure what to say.

“Yes, Commander?”

“I need you to clear to landing pad for when we get there. I’ll explain when we land but just make sure only a few are there.”

“Copy that.” She doesn’t ask any questions. Poe’s grateful because he doesn’t know what he’d say. He’s not even sure if the communicator is safe. He thinks it is but he isn’t taking any chances. He glances at Finn from the corner of his eyes. The girl’s eyes are wide and she seems fascinated by the dark space swishing by and Poe guesses he feels relieved she hasn’t made any sounds of protests, he doesn’t know what he’d do then. She still hasn’t said much though. Poe tries not to think too much about anything, just making sure they get back as soon and as safely as they can without his thoughts wandering too freely to the fact that there’s a force sensitive child in the confined space of this ship with him. He forces himself to sit still and handle it. Luckily they run into no one and he does manage to keep his mouth shut and his panic at a manageable level. Their main base is still on Naboo, DJ let them keep it after a few months of staying there. His position is still unclear to most of them though. He comes and goes but he seems slightly more pro Resistance than what he used to. So they stayed. It was a good place for a hideout and they would have struggled to find a new one after so many of them settled. In less than ten minutes they are back to the base and Poe lands carefully. He looks at Finn and they lock eyes for a second. Whatever happens next will change many things, Poe is well aware of that. He just suddenly isn’t sure if Finn is though. There’s a heavy silence between then and then he gets up, Finn following a little behind him. When the door opens he spots Leia in front, Rey and Rose is behind her and Konnix to their left. Leia looks thoughtfully at Poe when he steps down. 

“The mission was a success but we got some unexpected company.” He says as Finn comes to a stop beside him. All of their eyes widen, it’s almost funny, it kind of happens in sync. Well Leia’s, of course, remains the same, but she does have a thoughtful look on her face. The girl looks up from Finn’s neck and looks around her.

“And she appears to be-”

“Force sensitive.” Rey says excitedly and takes a step forward, the girl hides her face again at the sound. Rey realises her mistake and takes a step back, she looks a little apologetic. 

“Yeah, she is.” Finn says. Leia continues to look thoughtful.

“We just heard back from our infiltrators.” She starts. “Kylo Ren and the First Order seems to be looking for force sensitive kids. It’s uncertain what he wants to do with them, but our best guess is that he’s trying to create an army of them. Like with The Knights of Ren but to train the children from the beginning, to make them more powerless to stray from the dark side…” The words hang heavy in the air between all of them. Poe feels disgusted by the very thought of it. The girl shudders and Finn looks like he doesn’t ever want to let her go.

“Bad guys.” She says, quietly but loud enough for them all to hear. 

“Yeah, I won’t let them get to you.” Finn says and strokes her back. Poe looks at the both of them and he isn’t sure he likes this situation they’re now in. He turns around and his eyes find Rey. She looks thoughtfully at him too so Poe avoids her as well. 

“Maybe we should take her to the medbay.” Rose suggests. It’s the first thing she’s said since they got here. Finn nods.

“Yeah I think that might be a good idea, she has a nasty cut on her arm.” Poe’s surprised the girl hasn’t made any complaints about her arm yet. She seems very tough for her age.

“Okay, Finn you go with her, the rest of you come with me.” Leia says, Finn’s touch lingers on his arm before he takes off in a different direction to the rest of them. Poe watches him go, conflicted about whether he should follow him or not. He’s almost, almost, happy that choice was taken from him. He follows Leia and the rest of them.

“What’s her name?” Konnix asks.

“I don’t know, she hasn’t said, all she’s said is ‘bad guys’ ‘Finn’ and ‘force’.”

They get back to the communications room, it’s a little messy, usually the way it is when there are ongoing missions happening. It’s empty at the moment though. Poe takes a seat against the big window overlooking the green and endless fields. It’s sort of become known as his seat, it’s where he sits in here if he isn’t pacing around, which tends to happen more often than not when he runs missions.

“Where did you find her?” Leia asks. Konnix brings up the map of Lah’mu and Poe gets up again. He zooms in on the village and takes an estimated guess where the house was that they found her in.

“We found her in the ruins of this house.” He points. “Well Finn did. He looked thoughtful for a while before he decided to go in. He’ll write a report with his own words about what made him go inside later. So I can’t speak for him, all I know is that he wasn’t sure and then made the decision to investigate.” 

Leia nods.

“Good.”

“Did the rest of the villagers know she was force sensitive?”

“It’s hard to know, she didn’t have any family left. They all died in the attack but she did seem scared or at least apprehensive of Unggoy, the woman I spoke with. So Finn made the decision to not leave her there. Unggoy spoke with her a little and she nodded her approval of something that was asked of her before we left.”

“Okay, tell us about the force incident.” Leia says. Poe nods, right, force incident.

“We were almost by the ship when I went to kick a rock on the road. It moved before I could touch it and she had her hand outstretched in a similar gesture to what Rey does at times, and she said the word force, before she went back to hiding in Finn’s neck.”

“I see.” Leia says.

“If she knew to hold her hand out then maybe someone showed her, trained her even?” Rey says, her eyes lit with excitement. Poe realises that Rey’s only come in contact with a few people with the force, Kylo Ren, Luke and Leia. She must be excited by the idea of other people having it. 

“Maybe.” Leia says.

“This is huge though.” Rey continues. “Someone else with the force, that must mean there are more people out there.”

Poe nods, he’s thought the same thing. It was never not an option that others would have it, but the thought of it always seemed very small and distant. When it comes down to it,  
it’s a pretty amazing discovery though, and he wishes he would feel more excited about it all.

“The randoms attacks are not random then, that means The First Order were looking for kids. Did we ever check on if kids were missing on the other planets?” Rose asks. Poe shakes his head.

“No, but the people in these attacks never mentioned any missing kids.”

“Maybe they were being paid to be quiet?” Konnix suggests. Poe looks at Leia and Rey, there might be a possibility that it’s the truth.

“Maybe.” Poe says. “It could be possible.”

“We might need to stage some new missions, go back and see what we missed.” Leia says. 

“If it’s kids they are looking for it might be easy to miss, especially if it’s targeted attacks on the families, then the rest of the people might not even know that they are missing. Especially If they’re blown up.” Rose says. Poe nods. He agrees. It’s nasty though, for the First Order to go after kids who in no shape or form can protect themselves. It feels evil in another way. Poe shudders. The rest of them look unsettled by the discovery as well.

“We should get this ready as soon as we can then.” Leia says. Poe opens his mouth.

“Poe, I think you should go look for Finn.” She gives him a pointed look, one that says not to argue. He shuts his mouth and nods. He’s not sure he wants to go though.

“Can I come too?” Rey asks. Leia looks at Poe and then at Rey, Poe doesn’t mind, she can come if she wants to.

“You can, but come back as soon as you can. We will probably need your force expertise in the upcoming missions.” Rey nods and Poe follows her outside. 

The Resistance has grown so much in the past year that the base is now full of life. It’s loud these days, with many people having made it their permanent home. A year ago Poe could still walk the neverending corridors and not run into anyone, not even during the busiest time of the day. That’s not the case anymore, with the added people comes added hours of work or downtime. Leaving your station or your room meant at least running into a few people you know each day. Poe’s learnt how to deal with it. He’s had to, after a year of trying to work through some of his issues, exposing himself to big social groups had been one goal he had actually set up. It’s different when he’s Commander. That’s a role he’s so used to being that even after everything that happened after the Star Destroyer he learnt how play it. Playing at being confident and faking it until he makes it kind of thing. But when he’s just Poe it’s completely different. He doesn’t like to be seen, having the attention of people and hold conversations about daily things, because with it came the added thing of people actually liking him and he still struggles with that after everything. But he tries to work on that since Rose had called him out on being a hermit a few months ago because he didn’t want to come out with them, and Poe couldn’t have that. So that’s another thing on his list of things to work on. Be comfortable enough in his skin and to learn that people can like him without them wanting something from him. Having Finn around is always helpful, he offers his support wordlessly and that helps in more ways than one. The one thing all of this speaks to though is that Poe is really trying, and that should count for something in this whole big mess that is his life.

Once on their feet he falls wordlessly into step with Rey. 

“You’re unsettled by this.” She breaks the silence after a while. It makes Poe glance at her.

“Stop force analysing me.” Rey at least has the decency to look slightly apologetic by it. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s just that you’re so ‘loud’ sometimes that I can’t help it. But I’m so excited to finally meet someone like me, someone who isn’t Luke or Kylo Ren.” Poe understands, he does but at the same time he isn’t a fan of the force being used against him. Bad experiences and all that. 

“Yeah I understand, still not a fan of you doing it though.”

“I know, I’m sorry, it wasn’t on purpose this time. I promise.”

“Okay.” He believes her.

“But you’re not happy…”

“No…” He doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Why?” He shrugs. 

“Okay, well when you want to, you can come talk to me. I promise I’ll listen to you.” He smiles a small smile at that.

“Thanks.”

They get to the medbay then and the conversation dies. It has some people sitting and walking around, doctors, nurses and patients, busy and restless. With the added people comes the added illnesses too, and on some days the medbay is a hot spot for people to hang out in. Rey leads the way, she seems to know where to go and Poe isn’t about to question how she seems to know so he just follows her. She stops in front of a door and knocks three times before she opens it. 

Dr. Kalonia is inside, with Finn who’s sitting on the bed with the girl who seems very fascinated by a pencil. She keeps clicking it as they step inside. She holds on to Finn though, she doesn’t outwardly look scared, but Poe knows this well enough. She stays close enough to Finn to hide if she senses danger. She looks up as they enter the room. Her eyes land on Poe and Poe wants to look away immediately. He doesn’t. When she turns her eyes on Rey Poe feels relieved, Rey smiles at the attention. Her attention doesn’t stay on them for long until she’s interested in the pen again, the clicking continues. 

“Hi.” Finn says. Poe nods and stands at the other end of the room. Finn gives him a look but doesn’t say anything.

“Hi.” Rey says.

Poe notes that the cut has been cleaned out and bandaged, and that she’s looking cleaner as well. Poe doesn’t know where Dr. Kalonia or Finn found the clothes she’s wearing but she has a change of clothes on, the dark blue jumper she’s wearing a little big on her. Rey stays close to Finn and the girl but far enough not to impose on them.

“We managed to clean out the wound after a while. It wasn’t easy, I wasn’t allowed to touch her.” Dr. Kalonia begins. Poe isn’t that surprised to hear it. She seems to have taken to Finn very well and Poe would genuinely be surprised if even he was allowed to touch her. 

“It wasn’t easy.” Finn notes. 

“You found some spare clothes?” Rey asks.

“Yeah, they were lying around. We’ll probably get her some new ones, something she can pick out herself if she wants to.” Rey smiles at Finn.

“Apart from the nasty cut she seems unharmed. Slightly malnourished, she’s very small.” Yeah Poe had noted that as well. “The dirt has been cleaned away and we managed to get some fluids into her.”

“That’s good.” Rey says.

“Do we know her name yet?” It’s the first thing Poe’s said since he got into the room. Finn looks at him and shakes his head.

“No, she hasn’t said much since we got here. She seems very taken by the pen though.”

“I see.” He says.

“Luna.” The rooms falls silent, all of their eyes on the girl. Dr. Kalonia takes a slow step forward and crouches down.

“Your name is Luna?” Finn asks, he’s smiling again. Luna stops the clicking with the pen and looks up at Finn.

“Finn.” She says and points the pen and Finn. His smile grows wider. Her eyes land on Poe and Poe freezes. “Poe.” She points with the pen again and then at herself. “Luna.”

“Now we know she understands common tongue, I wasn’t sure. She hasn’t said a full sentence since Finn brought her to me. I wondered if she just picked the word ‘Finn’ up from Finn but she seems to understand what’s going on. It’s possible her speech learning is slightly underdeveloped but it’s hard to know.” Dr Kaldonia notes some things down in her pad. Poe eyes it with dismay. He knows it’s not meant harmfully but he doesn’t like the way it makes the girl- Luna he cuts himself off, she has a name now. He doesn’t like how it makes Luna seem like an experiment to be prodded at. 

“I’m Harter, Harter Kalonia and I’m a doctor.” Kalonia says to Luna. Luna looks up from her pencil but doesn’t say anything. She looks down again and says “Rey.”

Rey beams. She looks so happy that Poe can almost feel the happiness radiating off her.

“Yes, my name is Rey. It’s nice to meet you Luna.” Luna doesn’t say anything but it doesn’t seem to bother Rey. 

“How old is she?” Poe asks. He keeps his distance still.

“Hard to tell, I can’t be sure since I wasn’t allowed a thorough examination, but my estimated guess would be 5 or maybe 6. It’s hard to tell with the malnourishment and her being very small.” She is very small indeed. Especially next to Finn’s towering form.

“Okay.”

“I take it she’s staying?” Kalonia looks at Poe as she says it.

“Yes.” Finn answers before he can. “She is.”

“That’s what I thought. Is she staying with you Commander?” She asks Finn. Yep, Finn’s a commander now as well. Poe guesses his own official title would maybe be Vice Admiral in training or something like that, but he hates that title and prefers Commander anyway.

“Yeah.” Finn says and even though Poe was dreading that answer he’s not surprised by Finn’s determination. 

“Okay, well do you know anything about kids?” The question is kind and honestly valid because Poe for one doesn’t know shit about kids. He barely knows how to take care of himself some days and he honestly doubt child rearing was something they taught Finn in The First Order. Finn shakes his head, just like Poe had guessed and it makes Kalonia smile fondly.

“Okay, well I’ll help you.” She starts talking and Poe zones out. He doesn’t really mean to but it just sort of happens. He wonders if Leia would send him on this mission, looking for the potentially missing kids, with Rey. Maybe he can annoy her enough to let him go. Rey is looking at him again. He glares back because he’s mature and she smiles a little but looks away at least. The room goes quiet and they are all looking at Poe.

“Sorry what?” 

“I was asking if Luna would be staying in your room or if you wanted to stay here in the medbay for a few days before I release her.” Poe wonders why Finn hasn't just answer the question like he did with all the other ones, why he’s suddenly interested in Poe’s opinion? But Poe looks around the room, the white walls and the air that even smells clinical, there’s a coldness to it that Poe doesn’t like. He shakes his head, he hates the med bay, even before he almost died and all that. It’s not a place for a kid.

“No you can release her to Finn and-” He pauses. He doesn’t look at Finn, “And my care.” 

Dr Kalonia takes some more notes and closes her pad. She seems satisfied with the conclusion.

“Okay, you’re in good care Luna, it was very nice to meet you.” Luna stops the clicking, the only acknowledgement she gives. It doesn’t seem to bother Kalonia. Maybe she’s had lots of children as patients, or maybe she’s worked up a tolerance against difficult ones. Rey gets up to give Finn and Luna some space. 

“Hey Luna.” Finn says, Luna looks up at him. “It’s time to go.” His voice is kind. Poe recognizes it as the same one he uses when Poe wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. It still happens, not very often but it does occasionally still. Luna looks at Finn and nods. She holds her hands out and Finn understands the hint and lifts her up and places her against his hip. Rey tries to hide her fond smile. It’s a sight, Poe knows, and yet he doesn’t want to look too closely at it. People look at them as they exit the room together. It happens on a normal day, Finn and Rey especially draw looks but today it seems like the whole freaking Resistance wants to take a look at them. The rumours will spread quickly Poe guesses. He leads the way, that way he doesn’t have to look at Finn or Luna. Rey and Finn walk side by side and chat a little as they walk. Luna is still clicking the pen like a mad man. It grates on Poe’s nerves a little but he keeps his mouth shut. They stop once they’re outside their room. 

“I have to go.” Rey says to Poe and Finn. Finn nods, Poe understands but he feels slightly jealous of her. He wants to come with her. She bends down slightly, so she can get on the same eye level as Luna and says:

“It was nice to meet you Luna. I hope to see you soon.” Luna looks up from her pen.

“Rey.” She says. Rey smiles and nods.

“Rey.” Luna looks down again. Rey touches Poe’s arm before she leaves. The warmth lingers after she’s gone. Poe sighs but opens the door to their room. It’s changed in the year they’ve been here. It looks homely now, a little messy maybe but homely. They’ve moved a desk into the room, it stands by the window so it gets the sunlight. It’s filled with Poe’s and Finn’s work, documents, plans and drawings. The room has one big dresser as well, holding both Finn and Poe’s clothes now. They have a lot these days and Poe has a tendency to steal Finn’s every so often. They are bigger and fit nicer and Poe likes that. 

The room has lots of plants in there as well. Finn is a little obsessed but Poe likes it. And Finn’s very good at keeping them alive as well, he tends to them weekly, sometimes daily and he doesn’t seem to have a preferences when it comes to them either. Big and small, all in different sizes and shapes but all welcome nonetheless. Finn just has a natural talent for nurturing and he enjoys the challenges it bring. Poe the ignorant man he is didn’t even think about how much patience and caring it took to make plants feel at home before Finn got really into it. But even Poe wasn’t immune to Finn or the many plants the room now had that even he tried his best to take care of them from time to time, especially when Finn was away on his own missions. Someone had to do it and he had taken that responsibility as seriously as he could. 

There are lots of photos in the room as well. Of Finn and Poe together, of Rose and Rey, of Leia. Of Poe’s old squadron. Of their whole family. Poe has one of his mom and dad as well by his bedside table. There is a dark blue fluffy carpet in the middle of the room that Finn had found at a market and fallen in love with. And Poe couldn’t say no to Finn so it came with them. There is a comfortable armchair in the corner, by it Poe’s guitar stands, and there are some books in the bookcase they built together. That was a bit of a mess, Finn admittedly better at it than Poe, but Poe insisted that building it your own way was better than following the instructions anyway. In the end, after a lot of frustrated moaning about how to make it all fit together, they managed to build it and paint it white. They had also re-painted the walls in the room, they were a light blue now, instead of the too white that it had been before. Poe wanted it to be orange but Finn had said no to that, not budging on the subject either. He loves this room, it is their own space. They had carved it out from nothing and made it theirs. And now, well Poe isn’t ecstatic by the idea of having Luna in here. But he didn’t really have the heart to leave her in the medbay, that had seemed cruel. And Poe isn’t cruel, he just isn’t the biggest fan of well... this situation. 

Finn gently and slowly puts Luna down by his feet. She wobbles slightly but doesn’t fall. As she holds onto Finn with one hand and the pen in the other she looks around the room inspecting it, and then her eyes immediately finds the big carpet on the floor. Her interest seems immediately peaked. Finn notes it as well. He doesn’t let go of her hand as he takes a slow step towards it, she seems to understands and takes her own step towards it. She walks by his side slowly following at her own pace. Poe looks on awkwardly from the side, not sure what to do. Finn sits down on the carpet and as Luna’s bare feet touches the carpet her eyes widen. She seems very confused by it for a moment. Finn motions for her to sit down. She does, copies him, her legs crossed as well as she sits. She seems mesmerized by it, her hands circle around it and she tries to rip at it. Finn laughs. 

“It’s nice, yeah?”

“Soft.” She says. She touches it again and smiles delightedly. It’s a very innocent sight Poe must admit. He doesn’t like the way his heart treacherously tugs. Finn sits by as Luna plays ? Poe’s not sure it’s an accurate word for what’s she’s doing but she doesn’t seem to be losing interest any time soon either. 

“Are you hungry Luna?” She stops what she’s doing and looks thoughtfully at Finn. 

“Food?” she asks. Finn nods eagerly. 

“Yeah, do you want food?” She nods and goes back to playing. Poe’s calling it that now.

“Okay.” Finn looks conflicted for a moment.

“I’ll go.” Poe offers. 

“Thank you.” Finn says kindly. Poe just nods and leaves the room as quickly as he can. He’s not going to lie, he’s happy to be out of it. He walks to the canteen. It’s a little too early for dinner but he hopes that there is something left over from lunch. He doesn’t really know what 5-6 year old eats though which might be a big problem. He walks up to Hugo, the guy in charge.

“Ah Poe, you’re back from your mission. Did it go alright?”

“Yeah it went well.” He lies. Hugo smiles.

“I’m happy to hear.”

“So, listen this might be a bit of a weird question and I need you to be quiet about it.” Hugo’s eyebrows shoot upwards but he nods.

“Do you have any leftovers from lunch? I need some in a bag to go. And do you have anything suitable for a 6 year old?” He adds last minute. Hugo looks like he wants to ask questions but Poe is happy he doesn’t. He probably will know soon enough anyways.

“Yeah, I’m sure I can whip something up. Come with me.” He waves Poe towards the kitchen and he follows. He seems to be in the middle of preparing dinner but he doesn’t seem to mind the request too much. Hugo has help from others but Poe knows he sometimes prefers to work alone. Something to do with the art of it and the beauty of creating something from scratch. He walks towards where the takeaway compartments are and takes one out.

“I have some mashed potatoes, some boiled carrots and broccoli, maybe some ham as well. Would that work?”

Honestly Poe has no fucking clue but he nods anyway, what is he supposed to say? Hugo gets to work and Poe feels wrung out. This is a whole new responsibility he isn’t ready for. Taking care of a kid isn’t easy. Taking care of a force sensitive kid who lost her parents is going to be fucking hard. And his life is hard enough as it is. He wakes up screaming and sometimes doesn’t turn off the lights for a whole week while he sleeps. How the fuck is a kid supposed to fit into that?

“Maybe some milk too?” Hugo suggests. Poe continues with the nodding, he isn’t really listening. It doesn’t take Hugo long before he’s done.

“I included some dessert as well. Chocolate, everybody likes chocolate.” Poe agrees, everybody does like chocolate.

“Do you have kids Hugo?” It’s never struck Poe to ask that, to ask anyone that really. Hugo looks sad for a while.

“Ay, twins. But they are not alive. Just like my wife.” Poe regrets asking it immediately.

“I’m sorry.” Hugo smiles sadly.

“It’s okay. They are the reason I’m here. I used to have my own restaurant back on Naboo, so I thought those services would be handy here at the resistance. That and shooting a blaster from time to time.” Poe smiles and clasps him on his back.

“The food has improved since you got here.”

“Ah, you’re too kind Commander. But off you go, your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Poe walks back to their room. It doesn’t take too long. When he opens the door they have gotten company. Finn and Luna are still sat on the carpet with the added company of BB-8 who seems just as interested in Luna as Luna seems to be with it. Luna is actually laughing, it’s the first time Poe’s heard it. He stands frozen, it’s like he’s intruding on something he isn’t privy to see. Like he hasn’t earned Luna’s trust enough to see her giggling innocently as BB-8 does thumbs up. Poe closes the door and leans against it. 

“Droid.” Luna says and strokes BB-8’s stomach. She seems to have picked up quickly where BB-8 likes to be stroked. 

“Yes, it’s a droid.” Finn says happily.

“His name is BB-8.” Poe says from where he’s standing. BB-8 beeps at its name and Luna looks at Poe and back at BB-8.

“Bee Bee.” She says, Poe’s eyes shoot upwards. BB-8 is quiet for a while but then seems to accept the nickname.

“Bee bee.” Finn tries. BB-8 tilts its head to the side and beeps unhappily at Finn. Poe barks out a laugh. It seems the nickname is only accepted by Luna. Finn holds his hands up.

“Noted BB-8.” Finn understands binary now. Or full droid as Poe likes to call it. In the beginning he made sure to hold conversations with all the droids he ran into. Finn got a good reputation very quickly around the base after that. The droids love him, it’s not a surprise. Poe loves Finn very much too. 

“I got some food.”

“Ah cool.” Finn hesitates a second before he gets up to get it. But Luna seems fine where she is. Poe’s not sure if she understands binary but she seems to like BB-8 and BB-8 likes her too, if its excited beeping is anything to go by.

Finn steps up close to Poe. They lock eyes and Finn, well Finn looks at him in a way that tells Poe he knows what’s going on. Poe doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t have the energy to say anything right now. They don’t fight often, but they sometimes do, just like any couple he guesses. Poe has a temper, it’s not as bad as it has been in the past, but he still has it and he can explode sometimes. Usually Finn is not too bothered by it, he’s calm in a way Poe isn’t and it takes a lot to set him off. Poe sometimes has a tendency to do it, when he’s being extra erratic and pushes Finn’s buttons on purpose. But Poe is quick to forgive, his anger disappearing quickly once he’s gotten some things off his chest. He’s getting better with handling it, but he isn’t great under stress, it makes him anxious and it makes him act without thinking. And this situation has the potential to make him extremely stressed. It’s not great. Poe holds the box of food and drink out to Finn, he takes it, but not before he touches Poe’s wrist. He looks Poe in the eyes and lets his hand rest there for a while. He then takes the food and goes back to Luna. Poe takes one step forward, still keeping his distance and sits down.

“Here is some food for you Luna.” Finn sits down and opens up the box. Luna’s attention is perked as she looks into the box. Finn pushes it in front of her and gives her a fork. Poe wonders if 6 year olds eat with forks? She seems to take it and know what to do with it though.

“Food?” She looks at Finn. 

“Yes, food. Mashed potatoes.” Finn points to it.

“Potatoes.” Luna repeats. Finn looks fondly at her and nods.

“These are carrots.”

“Carrots.” Each word gets repeated.

“The green ones are broccoli.” Luna frowns and Poe tries to hide his smile. Getting kids to eat their greens seems to be a universal struggle.

“That’s ham.”

“Ham.”

“This is milk, you drink it.”

“Milk, yes.” Okay, that’s the longest sentence she’s said so far. If it can count as a sentence but Poe thinks it does. And he thinks it must mean that she recognises milk.

“This is dessert. It’s what you eat after your food. It’s called chocolate.”

“C-chocolate?” She seems to struggle a little with that word, it’s very possible she’s never heard it before.

“Yes exactly, chocolate.”

“Chocolate.” She repeats, a little more sure of herself. 

“Yes, very good.” 

Luna looks down at the food and digs the fork in. She takes a little of the mashed potatoes and tries it. At first she seems a little uncertain of it but she takes another bite and then another, and slowly it’s disappearing from the plate. At least she’s eating, it’s a good sign. She digs her hands in then and takes out a carrot. She eyes it and then she looks at Poe.

“Orange.” She says and Poe’s heart stops. He tries to smile without looking too unsettled by what just happened. He can see Finn looking slightly alarmed as well. Well Poe isn’t going to tell a kid off for possibly looking inside his head to know he loves orange, so Finn doesn’t have to look like that. But Poe is unsettled that’s for sure. It feels a little too much like breaking boundaries.

“Yeah, it’s orange.” Poe says, keeping the tremor of his voice out. Luna smiles and takes a bite. She seems to like it as well and then she continues eating in silence, the mashed potatoes disappear, then the carrots and the ham. She leaves the broccoli. Finn tries to make her eat them but she shakes her head. Finn nods and eats one for himself. Luna grimaces. But she picks up the box and holds it for Poe. He tries smiling, possibly failing and takes a broccoli from the box. It’s not Poe’s favourite vegetable. He usually avoids it if he can but he thinks about setting an example and takes one anyway.

“Thank you.” Luna nods and puts the box down. She takes the bottle and takes a sip of the milk. She then starts eyeing the chocolate shly and Finn hides is smile.

“Dessert.” She says. 

“Yes, you can have it.” There are four pieces of chocolate laying in a bit of tinfoil. She opens it slowly. Carefully looking at Finn all the while, he nods encouragingly. She inspects it carefully before she picks a piece up. It’s been out in the warmth for a while, it melts quickly as her hand touches it. She looks surprised by it. If Poe wasn’t so unsettled by what happened earlier he would have found it in himself to smile. She eyes it suspiciously before she reaches forward and sticks out her tongue, when it touches the brown substance her eyes widen. Finn can’t seem to draw his eyes away. Poe kind of understands, it’s a sight.

“Mmm.” She says. Finn hides is laughter.

“Good?”

Yes, sweet.” She takes a bite and munches the pieces down happily. She reaches for another one and it disappears just as quickly as the rest. She looks down at the two remaining pieces and picks them up, she hands one to Finn and one to Poe.

“Sharing.” Finn looks surprised and a little sad. Poe’s brain betrays him and he thinks that this little girl is very kind. She must have had parents who raised her well.

“No, it’s yours.” Finn says.

“Mine?”

“Yes, thank you but I don’t need it. You keep it.” She tilts her head and looks at Finn, she looks at Poe after. He shakes his head.

“It’s also yours.” His smile is genuine this time. She bites her lip and nods. She looks at BB-8.

“Bee Bee?” BB-8 beeps.

“It says it yours, BB-8 can’t eat chocolate.” Poe says. Luna reaches out and smears some chocolate on BB-8 and Poe is surprised that it lets her. But it sits perfectly still and doesn’t complain. Finn looks at Poe with a question in his eyes. Poe just shrugs, he has no clue, droids are surprising creatures. Luna puts the chocolate back in the foil and gives it to Poe.

“Save.”

“Yeah.” He takes the wrappers and goes to put it in one of the drawers by the desk. They have a snack drawer in their room. It comes in handy, especially when they work late. He leaves them there and makes sure to show Luna where it is. She seems satisfied and takes another sip of her milk.

“Click click.” She says. Poe guesses she means the pen. Finn seems to understand as well. He grabs it but stops before giving it to her and looks at her hands. They’re very dirty from the chocolate and the using of her hands to eat. She has some smeared around her mouth as well. 

“Look.” Finn says and gestures to her hands and to his own. She brings them up, in front of her face.

“Yes, you see, they’re dirty.”

“Dirty.”

“Yes we need to wash them.”

“Water.”

“Yes, with water, I’ll come with you, it’s in this room.” Finn moves a little to the side to show her the door that leads to the bathroom. She eyes it suspiciously but she nods after a while.

“Okay.” Finn gets up and reaches out for her hand. She takes it and gets up, with Poe following them but at a safe distance. They leave the door open. She seems confused by the bathroom, unsure of what it’s supposed to do. Finn lifts her up easily enough and places her on his leg that he balances in the air. She laughs as she wiggles around on it. Finn puts the water on and she lets out an,

“oooohh.”

“Yeah, it’s water, it comes from a tap.”

“Water.” She repeats. She reaches out with her hands, delighted when it touches her skin. Finn laughs too. He puts some soap on his hands and some on hers as well, trying to show her what to do. She wiggles her fingers, more interested in the soap than washing her hands.

“It smells nice. Try.”

She does and giggles when the smell hits her.

“Flowers.”

“Yes, it’s called Lavender the flower.”

“Lavender.”

“Yes. Poe likes the flower.”

“Poe.” She repeats. 

“Use the water on your mouth as well.” She looks confused so Finn slowly cups some in his hand and brings it up to her face. She splutters when it hits her and Finn looks guilty as soon as he’s done it. But she starts laughing shortly after.

“Again.”

Finn repeats the gesture and she giggles. She gets clean though, even though it takes some time and the floor around them gets splashed with water. She seems to enjoy it though. Finn puts her down on the ground and she walks around the room. She looks at the shower and then at the bathtub.

“It’s a bathtub.” Finn points “And that’s shower.”

“‘s it?” 

“To get clean, look.” Finn walks over and puts the shower on. Her eyes widen as the water comes out of the cap and splashes onto the ground loudly. She takes a step back and grabs Finn’s leg. scared of the sudden noise. Finn quickly turns it off.

“I’m sorry, it’s not scary though, it cleans you.” She nods but she doesn’t look fully convinced by it.

“Click click.” She says again. Poe picks it up from the ground and steps into the bathroom. He gives it to her.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He says. He takes a step back, giving them room to step out. Luna clicks the pen happily as she steps back out and sits down on the carpet.

“Click click.” She says to BB-8. BB-8 beeps.

“It says it’s called a pen.” Finn says. Luna looks at the pen and clicks in.

“Click click pen.” Finn laughs.

“Yeah, okay, click click pen.” That’s what they’re calling it then. Luna yawns suddenly and Finn looks at Poe. Poe shrugs, like he has any of the answers to this. 

“Are you tired Luna?” 

“Yes.” Finn looks as surprised as Poe feels that Luna just answered a question with an answer that makes sense.

“Yeah, okay, let’s get you into bed.” Finn stands up again and Poe has a split second to think that she should brush her teeth. Only she doesn’t have a toothbrush. He keeps his mouth shut. Finn moves the duvet aside and Luna looks a little apprehensive.

“It’s okay.” Finn gets into the bed first and Poe, the clean freak he is about beds, bites his lip to prevent himself from telling Finn to take off his work clothes if he’s planning to get into bed. Luna looks at Finn and then copies what he did. She sits down on the bed.

“Bouncy.” She bounces as she says it.

“Yes, and comfortable.”

“Yes, comfortable.” 

Poe can’t take it any more. He makes a vague excuse, doesn’t really know what he’s saying before he opens the door and escapes the room. As soon as he’s outside he breathes a little easier. He walks away, quickly, head down to avoid any lingering eyes. He’d like to avoid anyone he can, not in the mood for chit chatting. He’s too busy looking down, being stuck in his own head, that he doesn’t notice the person coming towards him. They collide and the person goes thumbling to the ground, Poe somehow manages to stay upright.

“Shit, sorry Ace.” Poe reaches out and helps him to his feet. Ace readjust his glasses.

“It’s okay.” 

Poe bends down to pick up the documents that’s spread out across the room. Ace works in communications, with Finn most of the time. Poe made the decision that when Finn is away on missions the first person in contact shouldn’t be him. They had tried it but Poe couldn’t concentrate on anything when Finn was away, too worried about him to do anything else. So he had made the professional decision to step down and asked Finn to appoint someone else for the job. Finn had understood and taken the job seriously. It’d taken him a month to choose someone, Finn was serious when it came to his job as well. He wanted to work with Poe, Poe knew this. Because even though Poe can be a mess in his own life, he’s very good at the job. And Finn and him do work very well together, he was right about that. But for him to be a General he couldn’t have his head full of Finn and DANGER screaming at him while he was trying to gather information from their informants. 

So Finn had chosen Ace for the job. Ace was a little awkward but funny once you got past it. He had dry humour that was borderline offensive at times, and sometimes too difficult to understand. Finn liked him immediately and Poe was honestly very happy that Finn had someone else to consider his friend. They met outside the job from time to time and the first time the conversation had come up Poe had maybe even been more excited than Finn about it. He liked the idea of Finn widening his social circles and making new friends that weren’t him, Rose or Rey. 

Poe eyes the documents, Konnix and Ace are the head of communications these days. Poe works mostly with her. She is very good at her job too, and the missions have doubled in size in the last year, so the natural decision they had made was to divide into two groups, one led by Leia and one by Poe. The Resistance had a good thing going, a well oiled machine. Even on Poe’s bad days he probably conducted the best of missions. His success rate was surprisingly high, it surprised even him. He hadn’t had anyone die in over 2 months while on the job and it was an incredible relief. It still happened from time to time that someone didn’t come back, and after it happened Poe usually found sleep eluded him for a week or so. Compared to when he took the position as Commander/General he has learnt how to deal with it all much better, even though the unexpected bad day can still creep up on him. The Resistance has a therapist now as well, and Poe’s thought countless of times that he should go. But he’s never made it. Maybe he will one day. 

“Your mission went okay?” Ace asks as he tries to tame his wild blonde hair. It’s even crazier than Poe’s. Poe briefly wonders if he should introduce Ace to his hair routine, give him some tips about some products to use. It would make him look less crazy scientist man than what his own hair routine is currently doing for him.

“Erm, yeah it was a success.” He lies again. Ace nods.

“I haven’t seen Finn today, he said he’d come by after your mission but he never showed, you two good?”

Poe smiles tightly.

“Yeah, yeah all good, he’s resting in our room, I’ll tell him I saw you and I’m sure he’ll pop by soon.”

“That’s okay, he wanted to know about the Orbak’s lifespan and I have some new information for him.”

Poe manages to not roll his eyes. He loves Finn, but Finn the precious being that he is has obviously managed to find a friend that was as interested as he was in weird things in the galaxy. He sometimes comes to bed excited to talk about something new he’s learned and Poe has a very hard time keeping up. He’s happy Finn has someone to share that interest with. He’s a little like a sponge Poe thinks, he sucks up information very quickly and then it just sticks. It’s a fascinating quality Finn has. Poe wishes he could do it too. But he’s a little more forgetful and doesn’t like learning things he doesn’t actually want to learn.

“Okay, I’ll tell him you said that.”

“Thank you, well see you later.” Poe hands him the documents and nods, tries to smile. Ace’s eyes narrow but he doesn’t say anything and keeps walking. 

So much for avoiding people. His fingers are itching. He knows what it means. It’s his best coping mechanism to date, working on ships. But he can’t go just yet. He feels a little guilty for leaving Finn so he makes his way to the north of the base where they have a small market and a few shops. It’s the latest addition to the base, it had taken Kangor months to get it approved by Leia. Poe wasn’t involved, mainly because he thought it was a good idea. But Leia was very strict and thorough with some things she wanted done. Kangor had gotten there in the end so Poe makes his way there. He goes into the shop at the end, it’s not big but it has lots of things in there, the shelves packed with weird things. 

He picks up a toothbrush first, it’s possibly an essential. He’s not sure about clothes, Poe guesses he’s with Finn on this. She should be able to pick out whatever she wants to wear, it only seems right. But she does need some clothes. He’s not even sure about her size though and this is becoming much more difficult than he wanted it to be. He runs a hand through his hair and makes a split decision and just picks something. Two T-shirts, one is orange, okay sue him. He doesn’t know what colours she even likes. Maybe he should ask that in the future. He picks up some trousers, and some socks, underwear and a pair of shoes. It’s still warm out and she has a jumper so it will have to do for now. He also picks up a hairbrush and some hairbands, she has long hair so it would be logical that she would need to brush it. Poe’s really not prepared for this, not at all. He walks up to pay, the person behind the desk looking a little confused.

“For a friend.” Poe says. She nods and doesn’t say anything. He pays and puts it into a bag. He walks slower now, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself. He walks into the hanger, relieved to find it’s not very busy. It’s a little too late for people to still be in there. He walks up to an X-wing and sheds his jacket, and then runs his hand along the metal of the ship. It’s a beauty. Then he gets to work. His brain cooperates and quiets down. As always he gets lost in the work, not sure how much time passes in the meantime. It’s dark when he finally leaves to go back. He realises that he’s skipped dinner but he doesn’t feel hungry at the moment, so he decides to walk back to their room, it’s time to face the music so to say. He quietly opens the door, the lamp on his bedside table is on. Luna is asleep, her head resting on Finn’s arm. She’s still clutching the pen. Finn’s changed out of his clothes and Poe feels a little grateful for that. He’s awake though, his eyes looking straight at Poe. Poe doesn’t say anything. He leaves the bag by the end of the bed and heads into the bathroom. He throws the T-shirt into the hamper, it’s filled with oil stains, and washes his hands and face. Okay, so he knows running away was a shitty move, Finn is probably very angry at him right now. He brushes his teeth and takes his time, slower than he normally would because he’s a little scared of facing Finn. Eventually he can’t stay in the bathroom much longer and he makes up his mind. He walks back into the main room and gets into bed quietly. Finn’s back is turned away from him. The bed is still big, even with three people in it. They made a rule back when they started this relationship, to never go to bed angry at each other. They’ve kept that rule so far. 

“I wasn’t sure you were coming back.” Finn says. Poe guesses he deserves that.

“I always come back.” Poe sees Finn nod but he doesn’t say anything else.

Poe has taken off once or twice in the span of time they’ve been together. He’s not proud of it because he knows it reinforces Finn’s biggest fear, which is that Poe will leave him. Poe would never. But he’s stormed out of the room while they’ve been fighting before. He does it because he knows he’ll end up saying something he doesn’t mean. Something he won’t be able to take back, and he doesn’t want Finn to have to hear something he doesn’t actually mean. So he leaves instead, to make it easier on them both. But he always comes back, always. He would never ever leave Finn. But it still scares Finn. Poe knows. And Poe, well he sometimes worries that he’s not good enough, not good enough for Finn, not good enough for the Resistance, not a good son. The list goes on. If they both have bad days, which does happen, well the relationship can get shaky. But Poe doesn’t fight with Finn because he wants a reason to break up with him and not be together, he fights with him because he wants them to stay together, even if it’s kind of a backhand reason. But he’s not looking for an excuse to get out of it. It’s only that he can get stuck in his head sometimes and forget to tell Finn what’s going on and what he’s thinking about. 

Finn is a lot stronger than Poe is, and Poe knows it’s not fair to Finn, a lot of the time. He tried to break up with Finn in the early stages of their relationship. Tried, is the key word. Finn had been furious with him, he’s never seen Finn so angry before. In that moment Poe had robbed Finn of his own choice and Finn absolutely hates it when he’s put in a situation like that. The fight had turned into a screaming match, a big one. Even Rey had looked alarmed by it and she’s not unsettled by them very often. So it was bad and Poe never made that mistake again. That was probably their biggest fight to this day and Poe never wanted a rehash of that. He tried to be better after that time, but he had big fears himself and when he gets anxious he becomes a nightmare in all the worst senses. Finn has become slightly more understanding as well. Maybe because he’d realised that Poe’s irrational acting has more to do with being a coping mechanism, to try and push Finn away, rather than what Poe actually wants.

Finn falls asleep, Poe hears his breathing even out. But sleep doesn’t come easy for him this night. He tries keeping his tossing and turning to a minimum but it’s hard. Luna and Finn sleep on though. Poe picks up his pad and starts writing up his report. He checks through Finn’s as well and when it’s around 3am he’s still awake he knows this will be a night where sleep won’t come easy. He picks the pad back up and starts reading on about kids. He might as well do it now, since it seems the kid is staying. He manages to fall asleep at some point, but it’s restless, no nightmares luckily, but he can’t manage to get into any deep sleep. 

The last thing he thinks about before closing his eyes is that his life, thanks to Finn’s decision will be changed forever. The bigger question though, is, does Poe want it to?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this was fun to write. Usually I am not one for established relationships but I found that it opened up for so many new possibilities to develop them together and have them go through some tough times too...
> 
> Okay so dum dum dum A KID! Yes of course, and it's gonna complicate the hell out of things! I just have a thing for torturing my love Poe, and all I will say it gets worse before it gets better.
> 
> This was also written before the rise of skywalker so it's kind of just gone in its own direction now.
> 
> Thanks to you all for reading it! <3


End file.
